oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
