Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
