hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
