your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
