Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
