Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
