Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
