your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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