some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
