dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
