youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
