Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
