I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
