What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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