he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
