Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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