K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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