we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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