I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
