you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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