dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
