it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
