no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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