please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
