yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
