imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
