i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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