thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
