there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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