I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
