he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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