I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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