pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
