return my video game
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
