i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
