I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
