"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
