I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
