So gin and wine won't be happening again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
