real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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