I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
