why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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