Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
