This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
