Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
