I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
