Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
