So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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