He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
