And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
